Santé – Erectile disfunction

published in santé magazine
on Jan. 25, 2026

“It’s actually getting worse,” Willem sighs midway through our conversation. “The other day she even put on soms sexy lingerie and did a lap dance for me… But nothing happened! That’s just not normal! I mean, a lap dance… That’s awesome! But still nothing happened. I didn’t get hard, not even a little bit!”

Willem holds his face in his hands and then looks at me dejectedly. “Geez Willem, that’s must have been horrible for you. And it does indeed seem to be getting worse,” I respond. “Shall we try to figure out why?” I suggest. “Well, I don’t know if we can. I’ve been trying really hard to get this under control, and my girlfriend is trying really hard, too.”

“Yes, I can tell from listening to your story. But maybe that’s the problem!” I suggest. William slightly raises his right eyebrow as he looks at me questioningly. “Wait, what do you mean exactly?” he then responds.

“Well, you love your girlfriend and you find her attractive, right?” William nods. “And you would like to have sex with her and she would like to have sex with you too. Do I understand that correctly?” Again an affirmative nod. “But the more you want to have an erection, the less you are getting one?” I ask. “That does indeed seem to be the case…” William responds hesitantly.

"Well, that's not surprising at all, because the more you're preoccupied with getting an erection, the less you're enjoying what you are doing."

I leave a short silence to see if he understands what I am trying to say. William, however, continues to look at me questioningly. “Okay, because you are focusing less on what is arousing to you, you are less likely to get an erection, if at all. Do you get it?” Then both eyebrows move towards the ceiling. “Oh, okay… Because I worry, the arousal decreases… and the very thing I worry about happens!”

“Exactly!” I respond enthusiastically. “And what happened that time your girlfriend did a lap dance for you?” I ask further. “I don’t know… because I did find that very exciting,” William replies. “But what else did you think about it?” For a moment Willem is silent, while he ponders my question. “It may sound crazy, but I now realize I felt pressure. The more she shows what she wants, the more I want to give it to her… But then my focus is on getting an erection again,” he finally says.

“This is really common, William,” I conclude. “Erections jut don’t like control, nor pressure. But they really it when you focus on what is exciting to you!”