Santé – Is my husband gay?

Published in Santé magazine
on May 27, 2025

Myrrdin walks into my room differently than usual. She makes a dejected impression, whereas she always seems so cheerful otherwise. After she settles on my couch, I ask how things have gone since our last conversation. Then she begins her story…

“Well, last time we talked about sexual fantasies, remember?” I nod. “Then you said it might be fun if I shared some of mine with my husband, and he shared some of his with me.” After an encouraging smile, I ask, “And … how did that go?” Mirth appears on Myrrdin’s face. “Well, he thought it was an exciting idea right away. So we really made a moment of it. I told him a little bit first and then he did as well. That was actually a lot of fun, but…” She sighes deeply. “Then I asked what porn he watches sometimes. He never wanted to share anything about that, but the atmosphere was so open that he then told me that he likes… watching gay porn!” She puts both her hands on her chest and repeats it again, but more forcefully, “GAYPORN! Can you believe that?”

“Okay… and then what hapened?” I ask as calmly as possible. “Well, of course the whole atmosphere was ruined right away. I really would have preferred not to know this.” The dejected attitude, which I also saw so clearly at the beginning of our session, slowly returned.

"So now I think he might be gay or at least bisexual. But then what is he doing with me?"

As the session continues, the conversation reveals that Myrrdin is actually very worried. She fears her husband has very different sexual desires than she always thought he had and that this may be the beginning of the end.

I explain that quite a lot of heterosexual men enjoy watching gay porn. Men often find the unknown exciting, and the taboo surrounding it can actually increase sexual tension. Also, there are many heterosexual women who enjoy watching lesbian porn. In lesbin porn more attention is often paid to female sexual pleasure, which can make it more fun to watch. “So it’s not uncommon at all…” I conclude. “Besides, fantasies are really different from desires! People can fantasize about anything and find all kinds of porn exciting, but that doesn’t mean they would actually want to do it or experience it in real life.”

Myrrdin looks at me with a more open glance. “Sure, I understand… I also shared a fantasy that night, of something that turns me on but that I really wouldn’t like in real life!”