Santé – Perimenopause

Published in Santé magazine
on March 20, 2025

Fais and Jette, a couple in their mid-forties, have been together for a long time. They have always had a good time together. Yet something has slowly crept into their relationship and both of them are suffering from it. Uncomfortably, they sit on the couch across the room. “We’ve been fighting with each other so much the last few months. It’s like we just don’t understand each other anymore,” Fais begins.

“And besides…” He sighs. “Our sex life was always good, at least I thought so. But that too has been going downhill.” He then looks at his wife with a questioning glance. “It seems like you don’t find me attractive anymore. Sometimes I even wonder if you still love me.”

Jette smiles lovingly at him and briefly tickles the gray hairs of his stubble. “It’s true,” she says as she turns to me. “I don’t know what changed exactly, but I just don’t feel like having sex anymore. It’s not like there’s another person I would want to do it with. It’s just not on my mind right now, and it hasn’t been for a while now. Also, when I try to get in the mood, it takes a very long time. It’s just become such a hassle.” When I ask if there are any other notable changes, she looks at Fais again.

"Well, you know... of course I love you, but I am so angry all the time. Not just at you, but at everything. Sometimes it's really overwhelming. And I can see that it scares you, but I just can't always contain myself."

When she also shares that she has an irregular menstrual cycle, things finally click. “Did you know that the average age at which women menstruate for the last time is 51 and that the 5 to 10 years before that is called ‘perimenopause’? A decrease in estrogen during this time can cause all sorts of symptoms, such as sadness or depression, stress or even burn-out, sleep problems and sexual complaints… sometimes also resulting in relational problems.”
“Oh, really?!” exclaims Jette in amazement. “But I’m only 44 years old, I didn’t know symptoms could start that early.” Fais looks as if he has finally found a missing puzzle piece.

In the car back home, I call a friend. “Hey, what’s up?” she asks interestedly. When, after telling her about my day, I ask her the same question, she tells me that she went to the doctor that afternoon and got estrogen patches. “Shouldn’t you start as well?” she then suggests. “You’re not that young anymore either…” Now it’s my turn to sigh.