Maya and Jan have been seeing me for some time for relational therapy. Jan is an authoritarian and controling man in his mid-fifties. Maya loves him a lot and has always accepted his take on things. But with the kids getting bigger and moving out of the house, she realizes she doesn’t want to continue this way. She longs for some understanding and the freedom to do her own thing. In the sessions with me, she hopes to get through to her husband.
“Listen,” Jan says decidedly, when Maya indicates she would like to travel somewhere by herself, “if you want to be without me so badly, you can file for divorce right away. I’m not going to sit around and wait while you party somewhere else!” Maya sighs and looks dejectedly at the ground as Jan fires more counterarguments at her. It’s yet another thing he’s not willing to listen to. I am beginning to wonder how I to make it clear to him that Maya doesn’t want to leave him, but just needs a bit more space. I’m beginning to doubt whether their relationship is still salvageable.
“Jolien, I have a completely different question for you,” Jan says at the end of our conversation. “Our youngest daughter has a female friend who feels like a boy. You’re a sex therapist too, right? What do you think about that? That friend wants to be called ‘Mick.’ I just think that’s weird.” “Okay,” I start, “can you explain to me what you find weird about it?” Jan thinks for a moment. “Well, I just really can’t imagine feeling like a woman all of a sudden.”
