“I had bought one of those games the other day,” begins Anoek, “with those cards that have exciting questions on them. Do you know what I mean?” “Sure,” I say. “To get to know each other better sexually, right?” Anoek nods. “Well, one of the questions for Mo was whether he ever fantasizes about another person…”
Anoek falls silent and looks at her husband. I too turn my gaze to him. “Uhm, yes well…so I sometimes fantasize about others. Yes, that was my answer so…” he responds uncomfortably. Anoek explains that they got into a big argument that night. “What exactly made you so angry?” I ask. “Well, Mo and I are together after all. So he loves me and only wants me, right? If not, and he has sexual fantasies about others, well then… should we even be together?” She sighs. “Are we really soulmates then?” she says softly.
Regularly I see people in my practice with a similar question: If my partner can be sexually aroused by another, do we really belong together? “You know, Anoek, people have the ability to be attracted to many different other people, and that’s a good thing! Because… suppose there is such a thing as a soulmate, one person who is perfect for you and fulfills all your needs, it would be quite difficult to find that one person among all those billions of other people.”
