Santé – Sex is for young people

Published in Santé Magazine
on September 29, 2023

My phone rings, so I pick up. ‘Yes, hello… this is Henriëtte,’ I hear someone say hesitantly. ‘Am I speaking with the sexologist?’ I indicate that I am indeed working as a sexologist. ‘Ah yes, good, well I have some questions about the therapy you provide. Is this a convenient time?’

Since I have lunch break anyway, I put my legs on my desk and lean back in my chair. “Ask away,” I say, “I have all the time.

Henriëtte begins to tell me how she and her husband met and how nice their sex life was in the beginning. But also that in recent years the sex slowly became less exciting and less frequent, until they finally stopped having sex at all. When she expressed that she missed their vibrant sex life, however, her husband immediately reacted dismissive. ‘My dear, that’s nothing for us anymore anyway. Sex is for young people after all,’ was his rejoinder. ‘…And now I actually wanted to hear from you, what you as a sexologist think about that,’ she ends her story. ‘I’m 62 years old now and feel I still have my whole life ahead of me. But Hans and I have been together for so long. You don’t throw that away, just like that!’

I explain that sex is not at all for young people alone. In fact, recent research shows that young people have become slightly less sexually active in recent years and older people have become slightly more sexually active.

“Besides, in your age group, about 70 percent is still sexually active,” I say. “Of course, that doesn’t mean you should have sex, because if either of you doesn’t want to, then you shouldn’t do it. I just want to say that it’s a myth that only young people have sex!” There’s a short silence on the other end of the line. “Oh,” Henriëtte reacts. “Yes well, that does put things in perspective. But we’re certainly too old to start therapy for something like this, aren’t we?” The question is asked very gently. “Of course not,” I respond enthusiasticall, after which we agree that she will discuss it with her husband.

Less than an hour later, my phone rings again. “Yes, hello… this is Henriëtte again. Hans is here as well and you’re on speaker phone now,” she says. “Would you mind repeating that many old folks still have sex and that we could come to see you for therapy? Because he doesn’t believe me…” After I repeat my words, we decide to make an appointment. Just before Hanriëtte hangs up the phone, I can hear her say: “You see, I told you so!” “Crazy woman,” Hans grumbles in response.