Santé – Sex after menopause

Monique is a 68-year-old lady with wavy gray hair. She made an appointment because she is dissatisfied with her sex life. She wants to figure out if there is anything she can do to improve it or if she should just let it go. “My husband wanted to come along as well,” she begins, “but I preferred to come alone the first time so I can talk openly with you. Because let’s face it, sex at my age… it’s not really normal anymore, is it?”

I look at her, with my eyebrows slightly raised. When she sees my surprise, she explains her statement. “I mean… I went through menopause a long time ago. Now it’s just too dry down there. But before you bring it up, I don’t feel like messing around with lube. At a certain age, maybe it’s better to just call it quits and to leave sex to young people.”

“Okay,” I say after a brief silence. “Of course you don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to anymore. But it also seems that you are stuck in the idea that sex is not for you anymore, because of your age. Is that true?” I ask.

"Yeah but, don't you think at some point you're just too old for it?"

“Not at all!” I respond decidedly. “You decide whether you still want to have sex or not, before or after menopause. After all, in most cases the reason for sex is not to conceive children. So you don’t have to be fertile to have sex. Sex is mainly about having fun and experiencing pleasure. The need for that doesn’t diminish when you grow older, now does it?” Monique nods. “But you do become less wet, so at some point it just doesn’t work anymore physically,” she then objects. “No way!” I respond confidently. “You’re right about the vagina getting drier. However, when you are sexually aroused, your body produces just as much fluid after menopause as before.” Now I see Monique’s eyebrows going up.

“But… You have to be really aroused,” I emphasize. “So, sometimes it’s necessary to make love in a different way. For example, you can take a bit more time really get in the mood and maybe a little more attention could be paid to your sexual pleasure?” I suggest.
Then Monique starts laughing. “Now we’re talking!” Says she loudly. “That sounds like the kind of sex I could warm to. When I bring my husband next week, will you tell him what you just told me?”