Santé – Heteroflexible

Published in Santé magazine
On Feb. 18, 2022

It is still early in the morning when the bell of my practice rings. I let Eva in, a somewhat insecure woman in her late twenties. After a few pleasantries, she suddenly becomes quiet, stirring her coffee. “Of course, I know I’m seeing you for the stress at work, but you’re a sex therapist too, right?” She asks without making eye contact. “Sure,” I respond. “Would you like to discuss anything sex-related?”

She seems to hesitate, but then starts sharing anyway. “Well you know, I’ve had a number of boyfriends, but a year ago my last relationship broke up and I’ve been single ever since. Now a few weeks back I made out with a girl at a party. While normally, I’m not attracted to women at all. So since then I’ve just been totally confused by it all!”

“What did you think of that kiss, if I may ask?” Eva sighes. “Uhm, yeah, kind of nice actually. She was a really nice girl too,” she says next. “Were you attracted to her?” I ask interestedly. “If I’m honest yes…” She looks desperate as she answers my question. “And, do you think you’re in love with her?” I ask continuing. “Well I don’t know about that, I’ve only kissed her once. But maybe I could fall in love with her. So that’s what’s so confusing,” Eva responds. “What does that say about me? What box do I fit in?”

Eva has become confused about her sexual orientation and asks if I can help regain some clarity.

“Well, you know Eva, if you are heterosexual, as a woman you’re only attracted to men, if you are bisexual, you’re attracted to both men, and women and if you are lesbian, as a woman you’re only attracted to women. You’re familiar with these distinctions, right?” Eva nods. “But there is also such a thing as pansexual, where you’re attracted to another person regardless of their biological sex or gender identity,” I tell her, “and there are also people who consider themselves heteroflexible. They feel predominantly heterosexual, but occasionally they may feel different.” Eva’s eyes get bigger. “Oh gosh, I’ve never heard of that. Maybe I’m the latter then,” she says. “Who knows…” I respond.

“But also know that if heteroflexible exists, biflexible and lesbian flexible probably exist too.” She listens with interest. “There is an infinite number of ways to experience sex, all kinds of different sexual orientations and numerous shapes a relationship can take. You don’t have to fit into a box at all, you can just discover what’s right for you.” Eva laughs. “Okay,” she says, “that gives air!”