Hannah sits across the room from me, with her knees pressed together and her feet slightly apart. A long braid hangs over her shoulder. “I’ve had a boyfriend for six months now, but I just don’t dare to do it,” she starts telling me. “I just don’t dare have sex.” She sighs. “Oh,” I respond, “but would you want to dare?”
“I think so,” she says hesitantly. “I’m just so afraid that it will hurt and that I will bleed when it tears on the inside.” She bites the inside of her cheek and pulls her shoulders up a little.
Hannah looks young, yet is already in her late twenties. She says that she tried quite a bit sexually, but because of her fear she has not yet dared to have penetrative sex. “Did you know that the hymen is actually not a membrane at all and doesn’t close anything off? It’s actually a thin and flexible edge.” I tell her reassuringly. “And about half of all women have no blood loss at all the first time they have penetrative sex. So you really don’t have to be so afraid of that.” I notice her shoulders slowly move downwards. “It is possible that penetration hurts a bit the first time and also that it starts to bleed a little, but usually that is because the woman is very tense or because it is all a bit clumsy. But not because the hymen tears up, that is!”
