“I don’t know, though,” she says. “You’re always so positive about masturbation. I guess, you think everyone should touch themselves. But I was taught something very different. Honestly, I think it’s kind of gross.” She pulls a face as if she smells a nasty odor.
Chantal is in her forties and is seeing me because she experiences low sexual desire. Upon inquiry, it turns out that she does not really like the sex she is having and that she has never reached orgasm. Her partner would like to please her, but she doesn’t know what she would like him to do. So during a previous conversation I recommended masturbation, so she could get to know her own body.
“You know Chantal, as far as sex goes, you can do whatever you want, but you don’t have to do anything!” I tell her. “So if you don’t want to masturbate, you definitely shouldn’t. You and your partner can also try to figure out what you like together.” She looks relieved. “But do know that women who know their own bodies well, are better at explaining to another person what they would like. As a result, they are more likely to get what they need between the sheets. Besides, most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. Reaching orgasm is often easier when the clitoris is also stimulated by hand. Your partner can do that, but so can you.”
