“My first boyfriend regularly disregarded my boundaries sexually. And later on in life, it happened to me again with someone I really liked. Very unpleasant actually!” But that won’t happen to me anymore. I keep all men at a distance and I no longer share my body with anyone. Now I’m the one who decides what happens!” Her words sound firm and she looks proud and confident as she says them.
About 4 in 10 adult women will experience physical sexual transgressive behavior in their lifetime. This can take many forms, and women deal with it in different ways. One train of thought I sometimes hear after boundaries are crossed is this: Back then someone else was in control, now I am the one that determines what happens. And what I choose is the opposite of what the other person once wanted to happen. So the statements made by the woman in my practice are certainly not something I am hearing for the first time.
“It’s good that you took back control, because it would be awfull if something like this would happen to you again,” I respond understandingly. “But by choosing the exact opposite of what another person once wanted, that other person still determines your choice. Do you understand that?” I ask her. She thinks for a moment and then nods.
